Lost voice

Today I woke up telling myself I was going to stay positive and be thankful for the time I had with 2 people that I lost in my life. My mother 21 years ago and my best friend Chris in 2006. That didn't work so well, by the end of the day I found myself sitting in my room wishing I could be in the company of them rather then what I have now. It's a horrible feeling when you know you have never been the perfect child, over achiever or just simply not good enough to the people that should make you feel the most appreciated. For a long time I have felt like my voice, opinion and word mean nothing and isn't relevant to the one person in my life that it should mean the most to. No matter how hard I try to get through to you, you are to blind to see that I need you to stop fighting me and start listening to me. There are days that I feel invisible to you, like I'm standing in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs for you and you don't even hear me. Where does a person turn when the only person they need doesn't see you standing in front of you asking for your help? Sure I could talk to other people I have lots of people to turn to but that won't fix it, it's you I need to reach out and grab me. The thought of not having you in my life sends total fear through me although the damage could be far worse in the long run if you can't open your eyes and find me. I think the time has come to walk away from you and see if you can then "see" me........I will always love you more then any one person in my life.